Apple Looks To Release Even More Expensive Phone Options

Posted on Tuesday, Feb 7, 2023 by Chris Hayner

Featured in this episode of Chaos Lever

Inflation? Bah! Constant layoffs damaging the consumer’s will to spend? What-ever. Apple, already a 2.36 Trillion dollar company, needs MORE gosh darnit!

Reports are coming in that the big fruit will be releasing an Ultra model of their already world-dominating iPhone. This is hot on the heels of the staggeringly successful Ultra model of their increasingly world-dominating watch, which clocks in at literally twice the price of the standard model.

Apple’s current highest priced option, the iPhone 14 Pro Max, clocks in at a frankly embarrassing $1,600, which. Holy shit. What on earth are the Ultra versions going to cost? Tim Cook seems to have no problems with any of this, saying that people are “willing to really stretch” to get the best phone they can, which frankly seems insane to me.

Maybe I should just be speaking in “I” statements here, but there is no chance that I will ever pay four figures for a fucking cell phone. According to the Blue Book my car isn’t even worth that anymore. Maybe that all just means that I’m cheap- which, fair. But these prices are preposterous. It’s a PHONE. You can’t sit there and tell me that a PHONE needs to cost north of two grand.

You just can’t. [Ed.- And yet, they did.]